blink-182 - I Miss You

This song was so instrumental in my friendship with my best friend, Heather. Things aren't the same anymore. things are so different, so vastly distant and i hope we find our way back. We tell each other we will, and it hasn't really happened. I take a lot of the blame for that, i guess it's just hard to want to be what i used to be to her when i know she's taking a step forward into her life with a wonderful guy. i'm not her only guy anymore. When i think of this song, i think of all the times we sang this, when we were sad, or the times we sang it because we were together . I think of the times we used to say "who the fuck is jack and sally?" i think life in New England, life in Connecticut. I think that it's fair to say i've never had a friend like heather and the prospect that after 6 years of dilligent trying and precious efforts made by both parties that we are worn out with exhaustion of maintaining a very deep, personal and spiritual connection that started with little to no effort. Heather, if you are reading this, we've been through a lot, together and alone.. you and ross are so amazing together. i like him, i want to spend more time with him, but most importantly i want you to be happy, and i have to accept that i am not going to be 100% repsonsible for that. i'm not going to be the one you come to first, i'm not the one thats going to make you laugh when you need it, or take care of you even when you don't need it. I thought being 2200 miles away would be the biggest problem. After 6 years, i think we've surpassed any "obstacle". I know you are probably reading this wondering why i'm not telling you this personally. I think one reason is because, i need to become personal on my blog, i need invoke trust and appreciation for those who take the time to read this. and the second reason is because i truly think you already know this. I think these thoughts have gone through your head. It scares me that it's a possibilty we both feel fatigued. Maintaining our own personal lives was never easy when we were together, haha, and it's more difficult being half a country away. Regardless, i never skip a beat when someone asks who is the one friend who means the world to me. i've met some incredible people as of late, and wouldn't change that for the world, just like your admirable friendship with Jennie, who is an outstanding personality and a real gem of a friend for you. I'll be the first, i'm very jealous of your friendship. Anytime, you vent or go to another friend, i get jealous and i am starting to think it's not my place too anymore. They deserve my respect. You are my best friend, always will. No matter where i am in life. no matter who i meet in life..they cannot hold a candle to the history and passion we've had as best friends. So point blankly, i miss you. i miss my best friend.